Reflection Series

In this “I’m responsible for everything and have time for nothing”, rush, rush world, “take time, ”is likely the last thing anyone wants to hear. But if we want to feel peace, happiness, or balance, it is the first thing we need to do. Before we can feel satisfied or decide to make changes, we need to enter that sometimes-uncomfortable world of taking inventory of ourselves.

How do you feel emotionally, socially, physically? Why?

What do you think about? Why?

One of the secrets of life is to ask ourselves and others good questions. Another is to listen to the answers. There must be space for that on this journey. Otherwise, we just flutter around dealing with the same issues in different settings or scenarios. We can’t really escape our mind or body except in death (and most of us don’t want that). Yet, many of us escape (intentionally or accidentally) all the time from either our body or mind. We go on autopilot. We make judgements or assumptions. We move without thinking. We have feelings we don’t question. As the wise old adage says, “same shit, different day.”

Just like everything that is meaningful to us, how we reserve that time must resonate with us. It may look different for me than it does for you. For you, taking time to reflect might look like a few quiet minutes at the end of each day asking yourself how you feel about the day’s events or lack thereof, and why you feel that way. Or it could just as easily come during a conversation with others in whatever space you find yourself most honest: with friends, family, or strangers. Personally, I like to run or walk through my Virginia woods or do some yoga before sitting down to reflect. Then, I can sit down with a quiet mind and a present body, a cup of tea (or maybe coffee) and a blank computer screen.



The first step in being where we want to be (happy, peaceful, balanced, successful) is knowing where we are. This means taking inventory regularly. How do I feel? Is it hard to sit still? What moved me today? Was I excited? At peace? Scared? Irritable? Feeling the need to justify something? Simple questions. Personal answers.

This self-examination can be hard to sit through. I want to grab my phone. I want to order that thing. I want to read that article, watch that clip, call someone, look at that picture, blog or status update. It is hard to sit alone and listen to the answers of simple questions about why something moved me. But we need to actually reflect for our down time to be meaningful. We can’t get on the path to being fulfilled until we recognize where we are. During reflection times, minimize any distractions that take away your focus on how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. Increase those things that make you want to share your feelings: quiet, beauty, exercise, music, support.

Then, try to take time regularly. Like muscle memory or a bedtime routine, the outcome of predictably taking time to reflect improves with practice. We get comfortable noticing our feelings. We create data points connecting actions to feeling instead of avoiding them. We find we can ask ourselves “how am I feeling?” instead of turning on the TV when your husband wants to talk finances, thinking about how you reacted to that tantrum your kid threw instead of looking on Facebook or considering why that phone call with a family member makes you feel like grabbing a glass of wine.

Once we have done some noticing: what’s going on in our lives? How do we feel? Are they connected? We can make choices. We can decide if we are making choices that take us where we want to go or if we need to tweak some things. So, the next step is to do something with what you learn in your reflection time. Sometimes, that means changing a behavior and sometimes, that means simply recognizing a connection and giving yourself grace. Change takes time. Sometimes, how we feel is complicated. We need to take time to connect the pieces of the puzzle that are our feelings. It isn’t a race, but it is a journey. Don’t sit it out. If doing it alone feels like to much, consider looking for a support group or a professional to walk with you.